So my daughter & I pray each night, and we say thank you for our blessings - ranging from providing us with our basic necessities and more. I love to hear my daughter pray with me and repeat what I say. I love watching her play and grow...last night I told her a story at bedtime (just something I made up that had to do with our almost daily routine), and when I said, 'the end', she said, 'I love that story mom'. Something so simple to do with her, and her smile said it all. Two years ago, when my separation started, I went through the motions each day, not cherishing the little things that I realize were so precious. I still have a million things to do day in and day out, but I'm trying to set a few minutes aside to enjoy holding my daughter in the morning before I turn the tv on for her so she can watch Dora.
Even though I still have problems, unknowns, fears, a long to do list, I am loving my life and everything in it. God continues to bless me each day, and I'm taking the time to thank Him each night or throughout the day. The holidays are around the corner, and in the last two years, I hadn't looked forward to this time of year. But this year I am. I am thankful that I will spend Thanksgiving with my family, and that my daughter will be with me. I will share her for Christmas break, but I know she benefits from spending time with her dad. It's not as hard for me anymore because she's older now, and I can talk to her to where she understands what I'm saying.
I'm having an adventure right now too. I think it's important to allow time for an adventure. I will continue to live life each day that God blesses me with a new day, a fresh new start. This past weekend, I stopped by the park for a run after dropping my daughter off with her dad. I stopped to feel the cool breeze and took a moment to just breathe in and take it all in. I continued with my run, with a smile on my face. I felt great, even after the "discussion" with my ex husband. For once in my life, his words had no effect on me. I didn't feel upset by anything he said; I took it in, and let it go. I am slowly coming to many realizations. I can't control others, I can only control how I handle it. Accepting this is not so difficult for me to do anymore.
But on to what I love...my daughter, my family, being able to lean on my family, great friends, ZUMBA, being able to be active, eating meals I crave, running, power walking, jogging, cycling, cardio, meeting new people, watching movies, hanging out with friends, being alive! I love myself, and each day my love for me is growing. Each day, I let go and accept things, and I don't feel much guilt anymore. I think people see my change too because everywhere I go, someone says hello to me or takes the time to talk to me. Complete strangers are approaching me now. In my cardio classes alone, which I have been attending for over one year now, people are just now talking to me to get to know me. They want me to stand beside them, talk to them. I wonder to myself if I looked unapproachable before, sad, closed off, angry...I'm assuming I did since I was in a dark place for such a long time because I couldn't stop being angry at my situation. I thank God for helping me find some light, and for helping me on this journey that continues.
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